What are the key signs that a child may be struggling with complex family transition or high conflict separation?
A child struggling with complex and high conflict transitions will often present with anxiety,depression ,acting out and disruptive behaviour and school absenteeism.
Why is adversarial parental conflict so damaging for children’s wellbeing and development?
Fundamentally because children need a secure attachment and this typically is found in the context of the primary caregivers. When there is conflict in this context,children will often get caught in a loyalty bind. A loyalty bind with no resolution is a very dysfunctional space for a child and creates a plethora of distress and anxiety and is often kept very private by the child.
How does the family justice system currently respond to high conflict separation, and where are its limitations?
When parents go into court, the issues raised are fundamentally about the wellbeing of the child - in essence the child needs to be safe and needs contact with both parents. Sadly, the family court processes can heighten the polarisation and further inadvertently burden the child with added layers of professionals, such as lawyer for child and psychologists reports. In cases of domestic violence and abuse, mental health issues and addiction, obviously we need the court. However, it is also proven that children do better with work which focuses on the family and seeks a child inclusive mediation resolution from that context.
What is child inclusive mediation, and how does it support better outcomes for children and families?
Child inclusive mediation is essentially a process where children are part of the mediation process in terms of participation. They have a minimal number of interviews – usually one – to ascertain their “lived experience’ as opposed to their “views”. This information is sensitively passed onto the parents in a ‘feedback’ session (with the childrens’ permission). The dispute resolution therefore remains in the family, and the children are able to maintain a sense of loyalty to their family whilst being part of the problem-solving process.
From an education perspective, why is it important for school professionals to understand non-court pathways available to families?
Because teachers are in a unique position of interface with students. They are often the first to pick up signs of distress and it would help both teachers and students if they had referral pathways for families who are struggling and at a loss of what to do or where to go. Often this will firstly manifest by child distress at school.
What role can school guidance counsellors play in supporting children navigating family separation?
The best support that school guidance counsellors can give is to support the children impacted by understanding their distress, by normalising the issue of separation and by letting the children know that they are passing on information about dispute resolution to the parents. It is imperative that counsellors do not take sides or talk to one or both parents about the conflict. Also, counsellors need to understand that both parents need to agree to their shared child having counselling at school.
How can counsellors work with families while maintaining neutrality and prioritising the child’s wellbeing?
As above: and explaining to families and children that whilst you can help children with distress and associated symptoms, it is fundamental to recognise that the problem will lie in parental conflict at separation and it is this out of court dispute resolution intervention which needs to be a priority.
What practical strategies can schools adopt to better support students affected by separation and family conflict?
Some schools I once worked with had a pilot of groupwork for affected children which worked very effectively, but as always, it was a question of resources and time. There is no reason for the topic of family - and family separation – to be excluded in school social studies curriculum.
Looking more broadly, what changes would you like to see in how systems respond to children experiencing family breakdown?
I would like to see systems generally understanding – as opposed to stigmatising – family breakdown and passing on that ‘non catastrophising’ element to children. There needs to be far more awareness of the crisis of separation in the community and the impact on children,as well as the dispute resolution schemes which are available to all families.